Moving on up!!

Moving has been a tedious and tiring experience. It has also been a wonderful adventure that I can't believe I'm finally experiencing. I am so profoundly thankful for all the support I've recieved in overwhelming abundance from my family . I couldnt have imagined this being easier in terms of approval from the people close to me. I expected obsticles and arguments and instead got love and understanding... I am so thankful. I have to admit that a big part of why this has been so easy is my boyfriend, he's been so amazing from the very begining. Our apartment is coming along.. it now looks like a space where people live instead of a big room with piles of boxes in the corner. lol Baby steps. It seems like every day of the week someone calls us over to visit because they have gifts for us. It's so heartwarming to know that there are people who want us to be ok, who are concerned that we dont have enough towels or sheet sets, or spoons.

Thank you everyone!

Whore-o-ween

I guess I can say that I'm a pretty big fan of Halloween. My siblings and I were spoiled though because my grandmother is a seamstress so all of our costumes were special made and more realistic. We got to choose whatever we wanted, and we did, so it definately made every year memorable. As I recal past Halloweens I notice a deterioration of what I thought the holiday was about though, I remember it being a day where you got to dress up in a silly or scary costume and then go out and collect candy from your neighbors.
I suppose what got me thinking about this was a conversation I heard on the radio on my way home from work the other day.. It was a concerned and frustrated mother who was trying to buy a costume for her eleven year old daughter. But, couldnt find anything appropriate for a child do wear. Even the disney costumes were too provocative. I suppose my immediate question would be: When did Halloween turn into 'National Slut Day'?
It wasnt that way for me.. even in High School when the other girls opted for sexy cop outfits I preferred to be something interesting instead.
I guess it makes sence for costumes to emulate what society views as 'sexy' now. With all the half naked people all over every ad campaign i suppose it was only a matter of time before our easily influenced youth would try to immitate what was being thrown in their faces all day. (For the record... I dont think half naked equals sexy.. it takes a lot more)
I started thinking about the consequences of all these young girls dressing this way, even for the one night (even though, I firmly believe that if you're going to use Halloween as an excuse to dress like a common whore then you should just let it out the whole 365 days of the year and stop pretending you're 'modest') I mean these girls can get themselves into a heap of trouble if they're not careful. With all of the murderers, rapists, perverts, molesters out on the streets I would imagine that Halloween is like a free for all. Think about it... young girls dressed in barely anything, drinks flowing, and the added ability to wear a desguise? How easy would it be for one of these perverts to dress up (covering their faces of course) and slip something into playboy bunny number 15 and then walk off with her while everyone is enjoying the party. Too easy.
I hope nothing like that happens, of course, but its an added danger if you ask me.

I hope everyone has a safe, and exciting Halloween 09. *cheers*

Click Click Click

About five minutes ago I was sitting on my bed wrapping a band-aid around my big toe, I had a HUGE blister from these amazing peep toe heels I was wearing the other night. I went to the beach with a few friends and remembered when I put the shoes on knowing that I would be in pain the next morning but recall thinking it'd be worth it. As I got ready for work the next day I remembered putting a band-aid around the fresh blister on my big toe before putting a sock and my work sneakers on.
I was in slight discomfort Monday morning.. but these gorgeous heels were the cherry on the sundae that was a perfect outfit. Was it worth having a gross blister on my toe for a couple of days? Yes.

As I put my shoes on today (cute, but not nearly as torturous) I thought about things that are worth going through pain for. Hot shoes, waxing, pulling one of those annoying little skins that poke out from the side of your nail sometimes. All perfet examples of things that you do with the knowledge of the pain or discomfort that goes into doing them. But, also aware of the relief and/or enjoyment brought immediately thereafter.

Then I started thinking about things that you can't imagine being painful that inevitably are.. like, making your car payments, losing someone, or taking a shot or something allot stronger then you thought it was.

There are some things in life that you can't control, and they're going to hurt, but.. like my beautiful shoes.. the real thing I should focus on is the great night out I had while wearing them, not the tiny wound I had to mend for the next couple days. All wounds heal.. then it's time to slip on another pair or stilettos!!

Flickers of Light

As I sit here in 96 degree weather wishing I had chosen to wear something a little lighter I can't help but smile a little when I think about certain family members. And even as I catch my breath between customers I can't shake this feeling like somehow I had let myself overlook something so important. Amidst the confusion and chaos that is my normal life I had a moment of clarity today.. don't worry it's really not as dramatic as I'm making it out to be. See.. sometimes people can step up, even though you have no real reason to believe that they will or can. I, myself, have lost allot of faith in people throughout the years and you know what? I had yet to be proven wrong. Not that I have just yet...but every now and then there is a flicker of the person some people could be if they just let go of all the baggage they're always carrying around.

I guess its just nice to know that when shit goes down there are people close by who wouldnt let one instant pass before reaching out.

Under Achieving

This weekend was an eye opener. I mean, not that I take anything for granted, but I became overly thankful for my life. I participated in some charity work and saw first hand how difficult some people have it everyday and how optimistic they are in spite of it. I guess I felt satisfied because I finally got around to doing something that I'd been wanting to do for a while now.
I realize that this isnt the first post about how 'greatful I am for the things I have' but something about seeing other people worse off then you are but who are seemingly more content really makes me feel kinda shitty for wallowing in the bad stuff for so long. I was truly inspired by my experience and decided that I will use what I learned as a catalyst. I've already taken baby steps toward improving myself... and there will undoubtedly be larger strides in my near future. I'll keep you posted. *cheers*

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find Out What It Means To Me

Ok, so I was thinking about how many times my parents have asked me to 'respect them' in my life and what I always thought when they uttered this: " I do". Then I started thinking about how many times I've seen kids straight out insulting their parents in public and always thought 'man, if that were my kid I'd smack the crap out of them'. This is, of course, a child that I'm refering to.

So, I dug a little deeper. I began thinking about the way that children have changed in more recent times in comparison to previous generations. My parents both have told me about 'the look' that would make them basically wet themselves when they were younger, presumably the same look that indicated to them that there was a beating in their near future. I, along with my two siblings, was rarely ever hit for misbehaving.. we were punished, frequently.

I have been known to get myself in trouble a few times because of my mouth, I've always 'talked back' and had this uncanny ability to press my parents buttons with one word. Call it what you will... I say its brilliance! Anyway.. on the rare occasion that I would be pushed to act immaturely in public or when I stood up and straight out refused to do something (always with reason, mind you, I was generally a good kid) I remember hearing the phrase 'You have to respect me'. And it always boggled me.. why did they choose that time to say it?? Because I'm not doing something they are perfectly capable of doing but want me to do?? What gives???

So.. here it is, my dissection of the word respect. I think that 'the look' that my parents referred to when they were younger was not respect.. it was fear, fear of getting their asses beaten. I've heard allot of stories (mainly from my father) and the things that he did are not things that someone who 'respects' would do. Of course, it's all written off as young mischievous acts, and I don't really care either way, but respect? Not in my opinion. Then I started thinking about the times that I choose to say things to burn my parents at times, and although I can't say I'm proud of it, I think I figured out why it happened. It's because respect is a two way street, in order to be respected by someone.. you have to show them some respect. I also don't feel like you show your respect by 'not answering back' or 'ignoring someone'... you show it my attempting to make them proud of you and being there when things get rough. After all... when there is true respect between people you should be able to say anything to them. Also, respect is earned, not forced upon people because of circumstance. So.. reguadlress of the relationship I feel like you need to make an effort. *cheers*

We're Metal

Every so often something happens to me that makes me question the general sanity of everyone in the world. It doesn't have to be anything major, truth be told its more often then not something that I probably notice on my own. Since my attention is grabbed by the strangest things sometimes. This weekend I was a participant in a conversation that at best I can only describe as the feeling of a giant spoon being inserted into my head that stirs my brain around untill my ability to process something as fact is disabled. This is the conversation, word for word, and you'll see why I am so dumbfounded...

Dude: Hey, whats your name?
Me: V, whats yours?
Dude: We're Metal.
Me: What the hell does that mean? Is your name metal?
Dude: No.
Me: Are you in a band?
Dude: Yea.
Me: Is your band named 'Metal'?
Dude: No.
Me: Do you guys play metal?
Dude: No.

After further analyzing the next morning I can only assume that this character has split personalities and that these sub-personalities are in a metal rock band. He did, after all, address himself as 'we're' not 'I'm' .. which means that he must think of himself as more then one entity. And to clear any questions up before they start, he was completely alone when he was speaking to me, no one was around him giving him a reason to use the term 'we're'. I don't know whats up with this guy.. but he seems like he is a few cards short of a full deck. Either way, when I think about his response it always raises a heavy chuckle out of me. So, despite any confusion on my part, he did create a happy memory for me.. even though the humor is at his expense. You can't win them all. *cheers*

The Ghost Of Vaneltine's Day Past

This weekend was certainly busy, it seems like we had people over all weekend.. oh wait, we did.

It began with a party on Friday night, a celebration for the reuniting of a great band that we all were fans of. It was great. A really old friend joined us, Jake, who I hadn't seen in years. Catching up was really nice, our lives are actually really similar at the moment. A good number of people showed up, not too many, and not too few, just enough heads to keep everyone entertained but not enough to leave my house looking like a tornado passed through it when everyone was gone. I also met two friends of my sisters.. well, met is a strong word, I had met them before but we hadn't really ever spoken till this night. They were both pretty down to earth people who were generally a pleasure to converse with. All in all friday's festivities were so good that we decided that all the singles should come back on Saturday (the 14th) so we can do like a little Valentine's Day Getty.

This is where I should have listened to my inner gut.. from the time I got up I questioned whether trying to have two great nights would be too much of a feat. I seriously thought it would be like tossing dice into the air and expecting it to land on the same number twice.. impossible. But, I carried on as planned, and the time rolled around for people to arrive. Arrive they did.. it started out well enough... a chill evening of card playing, music, drinks.. nothing too crazy. Then it happened... dumb drama that turned the whole night sour, and fast. At first, everyone that wasn't involved (including myself) tried to calm the situation but it was like a snowball that kept getting bigger and more annoying as the situation progressed. Eventually destroying all hopes of the evening returning to its former pleasent self.

So everyone left, and I was left cleaning up all kinds of messes.. from beer bottles, to peoples feelings.

I would love to say that it was a learning experience for me, but that would be a lie. It was actually really predictable.. as a matter of fact, I called it the night before. It's all water under the bridge now, and I've made contact with the people who may have felt uncomfortable to smooth things over, so I feel fine with everything. But if I have to offer one piece of advice it is this... send countless shots over to someone when they are causing drama in a party... at best, they will just pass out and everyone can carry on, and at worst they will get so hammered that they will forget what it is they were getting crazy about in the first place. *Cheers*

The More You Know

The Day Of Love

It's February 12th.. the day before the day before the dreaded day of love. Let me be clear... I do not hate Valentines Day, I just hate the impact it has on everyone, single and attatched alike. For the past week I've been talking my friends of ledges and these are successful, smart, intelligent people. The kind of people who stand up in the word and make differences and shit.. and yet somehow this stupid day makes them question every desicion they've made in the last 365 days.

It's not that phone calls asking me if 'I should have called him one more time' aren't always nice to recieve but.. this coming from someone who is so strong, sure of themselves, and otherwise perfectly in contol of everything else is a little disconcerting. It seems that even those who have their lives in order somehow feel a litle sensitive around this time of year. My theory is that its all about timing... Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years have only really passed about two months ago. And we all know the added pressure to 'have a date' on those wonderfully miserable holidays. Where every relative we have (who we mysteriously never see untill the end of every year) asks us where our boyfriends are or when we are thinking of settling down. Thereby forcing us to think that maybe we aren't as complete as we had thought we were.. right? Well.. I feel that after New Years Eve is over (lets not forget about the New Years Kiss) we only get two months to recoperate before we are forced once again to be in a position to explain our 'single-ness'. Not enough mental rehabilitation time if you ask me. But c'est la vive. We'll do it all over again next year. The best advice that I can offer anyone interested in recieving it is: Valentine's Day is only as important as you make it out to be. Don't fret... after all, you'll have all of the 2009 Holidays to feel miserable. *Cheers*

Drama-tastic!

They say that women are the dramatic ones, and yet somehow I keep dating the most sensitive, puddle of tears whenever I can't answer my phone guys that exist. I had to post the picture of this ridiculous text message I received about an hour ago. Keep in mind, this is a guy I haven't laid eyes on in over a year and have only reconnected with in the past couple of weeks. He called me last night but I was in the middle of a movie with a friend of mine. He left a message asking if I was "Available".. so weird. So I didn't call back, besides I was otherwise occupied and I'm not about to drop my shit cause some dude is bored and I happen to become 'available'.

Who even says that to anyone anyway? 'Are you available?' Whatever. I remembered this guy being a little 'passionate' about things but it seems that time has taken his emotions to a whole different level.

What ever happened to people just being regular and setting up a time and a place to hang out and then following through on plans? It seems that calling someone at some random time when you're bored and not getting them to drop their lives to come entertain you warrants sad/angry text messages the next day. Lame. Guess who's not getting a call back? *Cheers*

The Best Moment In Grammy History

I can't tell you how excited I am about Blink 182 finally coming to their senses and reuniting. They are such talented musicians and seem to bring the best out of eachother. No matter what bands they have been in independantly they always seem to shine the brightest when they're creating with one another.. FUCK YEA!!!!! BLINK IS BACK!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!!!!*cheers*

Crystal Clear

As if this past year hasn't been a journey down self discovery enough, these past two weeks have really proven everything that I've slowly been learning. See, last Tuesday my Aunt became sick. It's one of those things that you swear will never happen to you or anyone you love but somehow.. happened. At first I took the role of 'person who has it together so that everyone else can freak out' and it made everything allot easier on everyone else. Especially my Aunt. So I had no problems being that person.
Then these past few days I have been the one to take her places, and listen to her vent, and even though the prognosis is excellent it made me realize how much I would hate to lose anyone in my life.
It also made me see the true colors of some people who should have behaved/thought differently then they ended up doing. But I suppose that's just something that ends up happening whenever there is a catastrophe in any ones life.
Anyway, this whole experience has made me really open and willing to embrace everyone around me, instead of keeping that wall up so high they can barely see over it.
Here's to every ones health, love, and happiness! *cheers*

Next In Line Please!

Today was an interesting day. It started out with my usual stagger down the hall into the kitchen where I was met by my first daily chore, followed almost immediately by my morning cafe con leche.
A little later, cafe con leche in hand, I made my bed and checked my emails as usual. A phone call interrupted me though.. it was a friend of mine who started about some romantic problem he wanted my guidance on but had to get back to work, so he told me he would call me back in ten minutes. Then, as I'm checking my email a window pops up.. another friend of mine.. with a romantic problem that she wanted my advice on. Not one to brush anyone off.. I listened intently and gave her the best input I could. No less then two minutes after I ended the conversation with her then my other friend calls me back.. he went into the issues a little but I decided this was a conversation better had in person. And since it was getting close to feeding time I suggested we meet for lunch.
As we ate, he told me all about it, from beginning to end.. and I was truly touched that he chose me to open up to. We spoke about it for a good while, and we then went to the mall to run an errand I had.
The funny thing about the problems that both my friends had was that not only were both of their problems exactly the same.. but I myself am going through the exact same thing. It was so strange... I mean what are the chances that you and two other people are going through pretty much the exact same thing.. almost down to the day. Kinda freaky. You got any weird stories?? *Cheers*

In Through The Nose, Out Through The Mouth

Well.. the year has officially begun and the end-of-the-year festivities have died down. All the friends that visited have now gone home.. and things are slowly getting back to normal. I wanted to end this shitty year with a bang and I think I accomplished it, in abudance. In the past four days I think I've slept approximately 6 hours. (With the exeption of today.. I'm staying home to recoperate)I always forget how much I enjoy just being out in the world.. seeing people, dancing. My usual circle aren't very adventurous so I usually have to stay in and do the same thing every weekend.. which is why I love it when our friends from out of town come to visit, it gives me someone to go out with. And go out I did.. I took full advantage of out out of town friends.. god love them. Anyway, before I lose complete control of my train of thought.. let me get back to the topic. Though I'm relieved that 2008 is over, and I am looking at the begining of the new year as a new sheet of paper to be written on.. I can't help but feel a little pressure. Last night I was thinking about all of the things I want to accomplish this year and I suddenly felt my throat tighten up.. after a brief freak out I decided.. lets look at things one day at a time instead of the whole 365 at once. *Cheers*