Deck The Halls

Well, we're more then half way done with the end of the year festivities, all thats left is New Years Eve. I can't say that the celebrations have been extraordinary this year. Truth be told, I expected more.. at least for Christmas Eve but we ended up at a dinner that was the opposite of festive. I was hoping to get some 'Holiday Cheer' from the next place we went to.. but we waited so long to leave the first place that no one was there/awake by the time we had arrived at the second location. Lame. Thats the problem with still being dependant on your parents.. I may be 25 years old but since I lost my job and am now depending on them again I have to do whatever they do for these kinds of occasions. If I were on my own I could do whatever I feel like it and I wouldnt have to endure moaning and groaning about it for weeks on end. But, c'est la vive. Anyway, I'm lookin forward to Wednesday (a.k.a. New Years Eve) like you wouldnt believe. I dont know in exactly what order I'm going to attend the parties yet but I have a feeling that its going to be a crazy night for all involved. Here's to 2009!!!! *cheers*

Station Wagons Are Sexy

I don't know what it is about these fine pieces of machinery (maybe the idea of what all that extra space can facilitate) but I've always been a fan of the station wagon. Not the new kind, with all the rounded corners, no sir.. it has to be the straight up old version. Just look at it... so sexy. *cheers*

Momma's Boy

Ever since I can remember, I've been completely and utterly turned off by anyone who was dependant on other people for simple, common sense things, that anyone with a single brain cell can do. More specifically its always been a real turn-off to see a man who's been raised with their mommy doing every little thing for them and doesn't even know how to do something as simple as turn on a burner on a stove. I once actually had a friend who didn't know where the kitchen garbage bin was because after eating his meals (prepared for by mommy) he wouldn't even have the common courtesy of picking up his plate and putting it into the sink.

This morning, I went from being in a great mood to getting all pissy in about two minutes. Today, unlike yesterday when I was hung over like you wouldn't believe, I woke up and was ready to grab the day by the balls..as I made my bed I was planning all the things I was going to do: Wrap some Christmas gifts that I'd bought, clean up the kitchen floor, etc. When I got to the kitchen my brother was already awake and watching television with my dad, my mom was at her computer downloading the millionth song this weekend on LimeWire. And I decided to brew up some much desired espresso for myself..

As I was making the froth, I overheard my mother talking about how my brother's (21) uniform is in the dryer. (Grrrrrrrrrr!) I realize that this doesn't really affect my life in any immediate way but I hate that my brother has become one of those guys that I make fun of all the time and can't possibly respect. I would question why he doesn't want to take things upon himself but.. he has it so easy why would he complain. Anyway, the only thing that makes me feel less angry about this is that he had to go in to work today while everyone is here at home.. hehe. *cheers*

Three Six Five

Being laid off for a year isn't the picnic that anyone would imagine. While there are people in my life who wouldnt mind the monotony, I can't seem to enjoy it. It was late November of last year when it happened.. I remember, like I'm sure many do, feeling that it was the wrong choice for the company. I felt like the kid who doesn't get picked to play when the other kids are choosing teams. To this day I feel that it was a choice based on everything except productivity.. but I won't get into it, thats another blog.

Anyway, at first I was sad.. like I was cast aside for not violating my ethics. But, I chose to take the begining of it like it was a vacation.. I had, after all, been working for almost ten years (with only one vacation). So yes, in the begining I enjoyed being able to do things that I was never able to do because I was working. But, even that gets old when you have no one to share your free time with.

Then the search began, for a new job, application after application.. interview after interview.. I have never been told 'NO' so many times in one year. It never feels better by the way.

Thats when you start beating yourself up. How can it be that you, of all the people in your circle, can't seem to get your hands on a job? What are you doing that makes it so difficult?? More importantly.. why are you so undesirable to society? It doesnt help that everyone around you is always asking you when you're going to get a job. (Ugh... when someone hires me maybe?) It's true.. I went through a mild depression as Im sure everyone who is in this position goes through. I just felt like I couldn't catch a break ( I still do, but I've accepted it) when everyone else does. (My friend obliviously torchuring me by quitting not one.. but two jobs.. though she did have a family hook-up with her current place of employment)

After months of beating myself up a wave of peace washed over me. I know it sounds stupid but after being broke, bored, and unhappy for so long you just start to see the whole world differently. I began cherishing to deeply the smallest gestures.. like, if I happened to see a brother hold his little sisters hand so she wont get lost I would literally tear up. I began to appreciate the things that no amount of money in the world could purchase. I also began to notice how materialistic everyone around me really was.. everything changes when you realize you dont need things as much as you think you do.

Anyway, as of now I have accepted my life. Luckilly I'm not starving, I'm not unhealthy, and I am surviving. I'll get a job soon enough but I'm glad that I had this happen to me.. It made me realize that constantly trying to prove yourself to society and to others is a complete waste of time.. the only person you have to be happy with is yourself. *Cheers*

Just As You Are

I was never really a fan of the Bridget Jones movies.Truthfully, the only parts that I found entertaining were the fight scenes. I watched them both though, not in theatres but I did see them at home.. I love Colin Firth. Anyway.. in the wee hours of last night/this morning I watched the first movie and suddenly I understood her. The first time I watched the movie I didnt really get her.. I just thought she was some strange middle aged woman who couldnt dress and always embarassed herself. But, last night I really got it... and more then that I understood what Marc Darcy (C.F.) represented.. he was the guy every girl dreams of having but overlooks because he is so safe. This scene in particular moved me because its every persons fantasy that they can find someone who doesnt want to change one single thing about them. "Just as you are" *cheers*

Just Shoot Me Next Time

There are not enough drugs out there to make last night's memory subside into a mild 'vise-squeezing-my-brain'like feeling. I kid you not.. My poor friend and I had to stand outside in 60 degree weather, six inch heeels to boot, and listen to a blabbering inadequate ramble on and on about his life with the sole intention of getting inumerable pity faces.

The night started out on an odd note, it should have tipped me off that it woudlnt end well, but I took it in stride and hoped for the best. It was a cousins birthday yesterday (The big 21) So needless to say there would be drinking involved. It began at approximately 7:30 p.m. where we gathered at my grandmothers house and did the whole cutting of the cake and singing ordeal. Accompanied, of course, by the obligatory hundred or so pictures of the birthday boy standing behind the cake with various family and friends. After that we went to a 'surprise party' that my cousins friends had organized for him. But, he had already drank about 5 shots of Vodka (within a five minute time span) and was obliterated before he even got there. Still, to at least try and make an appearance we held on to him and guided him into the party where he walked in, layed down on the couch, and passed out. He spent the rest of the hour or so we were at the party throwing up all over the bathroom floor and laying down in various rooms. Classy.

Moving on the to the second and final part of this mediocre evening. We were tired of making chit chat with my cousins little friends (seriously, everyone there was about 16 years old) so we decided to move the party (or at least ourselves) to my friends house. At first everything was fine.. we were sitting around playing this card game and listening to some tunes.. talking. Everything seemed to be going well, until one of the dudes at the getty went outside for a smoke. Shortly after my sister joined him followed by another friend of mine. I stayed in there with my friend talking for a while and waiting for the others to return but when they took an oddly long time we decided to go out and join them. Within minutes a debate emerged.. the dude was defending his smoking habbit (without even a hint of a reason) to my friend and I (the only non-smokers there). I sat this one out and my friend tried to dissolve the conversation.. without success. Thats when, without reason, this lunatic decided to throw an all out, call the press and invite them, pity party... number in the party? One. Somehow my sister and the other friend slipped out of the conversation just in time and headed back into the house.. but as for my friend and I, we were stuck.

I can say that after three grueling miserable hours listening to this inapt miscreant I would rather go get a deep cleaning at the dentist. (And anyone who's had a deep cleaning knows that its no picnic) Needless to say that I will certainly not be willingly involving him in any outings, innings, meduim-ings that I have in my near and maybe even not so near future. The only thing that I am thankfil for is that the conversation (or lecture) is finaly over. Thank god almighty that it is over. *cheers*

Such a PAIN

So this morning while I enjoyed my daily, and very deserved, cafe con leche I started doing my usual technological activities: Checking my e-mail, reading the news, etc. before getting to my chores. There was one headline about dating which I instinctively skipped over but then came back to again cause there wasn't really anything on the headlines that appealed to me; There was a statement I had heard probably a million times 'Love Hurts'. So a little later, half of a cafe con leche in hand, I thought back on those words and started dissecting them a little. Maybe I, on this beautiful morning, I could once and for all crack the code!!! So I began brainstorming, and after several minutes of intense thought I came up with my answer..Love dosen't hurt, love is awesome. Yes, I know what you're thinking, 'V, you're an idiot.', But let me finish my thought here I swear it will make sense by the time I'm done. (Side note.. my damn dog won't stop barking in my face..I'm going to lose it) Anyway, back to the subject at hand, it is my opinion that 'love' doesn't hurt, its what we do with it or to it that hurts us. I'll give you an example: I once had love, and it was beautiful but I let the opinions of others become more important to me then my own so I made it go away. And right at that moment and for many years after that I felt pain.. but I would never go as far to say that 'Love Hurts' because when the love was with me it was great. It was only when it was taken away that it hurt. So no, I don't believe that love hurts.. its whatever negative situation you associate with it that hurts. See I told you that if you let me finish I'd make sense eventually. *cheers*

Already?

Well we're in November already, its hard to believe that this year has passed so quickly. The holidays will soon be upon us and truthdully I'm not ready for them. Not that I dont love the holidays but something about them always leaves me drained. Maybe its the obligatory time spent with family members you'd otherwise never see.. or the overspending of money but I can't say that I am looking forward to the holiday season this year. Hopefully something changes my mind and I get into the spirit of things soon but if it doesnt thats ok. I am looking forward to seeing some friends who live far away.. both of which will be visiting next month, though I think at different times. So, there is something. This isnt the most interesting blog I know, but we have a new president and I'm bored to death of talking about politics so I'm trying to veer away from that subject even though it seems like every conversation I have lately ends in some sort of political debate. So I'll cut things off now.. *Cheers*

Start your engines

Ok, Today has been one of those real lazy sundays where you kinda just end up sitting in front of the tube or laying around reading of sleeping. I hate these days because I'd frankly rather be doing something then doing nothing but in ebracing the lazy sunday today I realized that Im at my breaking point.. and that I need to take some sort of action even if it leads me a step back rather then a step forward. I cant stand my life right now and for a little while I've just accepted it because I honestly lost alot of self-confiddence when I got laid off. I tried not to let it get to me but I felt so rejected by society, then not being able to find another job became so much harder, all it did was prove to me that my worst thoughts were true. But honestly... I'm tired of accepting that I'm not worth a good job that I enjoy and a life that has meaing and purpose. I do deserve all the things that I want and I mean to get them. I am not sure what made a difference today, I spend most of my time analyzing my life , but whatever pushed me to the point of no return I am thankfull for. I will not rest untill my life has been put back together again. And I will document it for all of you.. *cheers*

Oh Snap

After an accedental revelation a couple days ago durring a phone conversation with a friend, I realized that I may have finally closed the chapter on this parasite of a relationship I've been trying to close for the longest time. Words cannot expresss the relief that I am feeling now.. and I wont lie, a little fear. I feel like a toddler taking her first steps without holding on to something.. whoa. I am excited about where the next few steps will lead me.. I'll keep you posted.

Love It

Anger Management

I have learned through my recent actions that no matter how you spell it out for some people you cant get your message to sink in. Some people are just so wrapped up in themselves that the thought that maybe one day they leave one shred of consideration toward you is unfathomable. I officially have a new attitude, and since I seriously dont like to just go on and on about bullshit that I'm not happy about I'll just leave on a happy note: FTS.. Ima be where I'm at!!

Rebellion

Well today was the straw that broke this camels back. I had a fight earlier this week with my younger brother about his constand lack of concideration for anyone in the house. And just as my anger began to subside there goes my mother to stir it up again. But unlike all the other times I've brushed things off I chose to let my actions speak for me. I needed some time, time to think, time to clear my head and reevaluate... time to myself. Away from my house and everyone in it. I've been on my own for about ten hours now and honestly I have not felt this good in a while. I dont know what the night will hold for me.. but so far I'm safe and sound.

My mother and her interesting way of speaking!!

I am sure that most of you guys have a person in your life who amuses you just by the choices they make when putting sentances together. My mother is mine.. and here are a couple of golden nuggets that she has recently thrown at us. Enjoy!

"Son of a motherless pig!!" - I dont even know what this means!

"Cagate en la mierda." - Translated this means 'Crap on the crap' ... only my mother lmao

Rainy Days

It seems like everytime there is a rainy day here (which in the summer is every afternoon, and in the winter is every afternoon) it seems that I have an increased number of 'outside activities'. Like, on beautiful sunny days I end up trapped in the house but on the days its grey and hurricane-like outside there is always some pressing appointment or chore that needs my immediate attention. Just like today.. there is this charity garage sale thingie and of course it is pouring outside. I wasnt even a part of it untill this morning when my mom called me asking me to prod around the house to see if there were any miscelaneous items that I could throw into a box and bring over to sell. I have to admit, I didnt really get up too eagerly, but once my feet touched the cold floor there was nothing for me to do but move and move fast. I did decide to do some small chores before heading out, hoping the rain would have drizzled down by then, no luck. After I eliminated all the reasons for me not to go out into the rain there was no choice but to brave the elements and carry the medium sized box to my car and head out. It wasnt as bad as I thought, I was wet, but nothing too crazy. Of course when I got to said event there was no one there because of the bad weather and it had been rescheduled for another weekend.. I briefly questioned why my mother hadn't called me to inform me of such a change in plans. But, I dragged the box upstairs and decided to make lemonade.. so I whipped up some expresso, passed it out, and utilized the time to catch up with a couple people from my mothers office. Wasnt too bad.. but hopefully the rain stops before heading out to the club tonight.. that would really suck. I'll let you guys know. *cheers*

Disloyalty

I've noticed that the past couple movies I've seen have had the same problem in them: A husband cheating on his wife. And appropriately she always forgives him at the end. I'm not hating on the whole 'forgiving someone for a mistake' but I always think about what would have happened had it been the other way around.. if the wife had cheated on the husband. I doubt that he would meet her in the middle of the brooklyn bridge or decide that they should go to marriage counseling to resolve the issue. I'm pretty sure they would call her the befitting names.. (Bitch, Whore, Slut, etc.) and replace her within the month. For some reason it's more acceptable to society that men make mistakes while women are more virtuous. As if it were more difficult for a women to have an affair (pfft.. please). I am semi-offended at these movies because it makes me feel like they're trying to sell to the masses the 1950's notion that if your husband cheats on you that you should forgive him because its 'just what men do'. And I strongly disagree. It is just as difficult, if not moreso, for a woman to stay comitted to one man then it is for Joe Shmo to convince some girl to 'let him in' after, of course, taking her to dinner and perhaps buying her a couple choice presents. Her choice, that is. I just dont believe that people can 'mistakedly' cheat on someone.. what happens? You fall down naked on top of someone and everytime you try and get up you slip and fall again?.. gimme a break. If you made the vows then you said to god and all your family that you were going to comit to this one person.. own up to your end of the bargain. Period. *cheers*

I dont know why I do this to myself

Little Women

An Affair to Remember

Sence and Sensibility

I guess I'll always be a hopeless romantic.. Damn it!! *cheers*

Plans

Looking at my life now I can safely say that it is nothing like I had planned it to be when I was a preteen let alone a teenager. I expected to be miles away from where I stand now in every department of my life. What happens to plans when they don't work out? Are they given to the next person in line or do they just become a different set of plans that fit your new situation? I am choosing to believe that your plans eventually get filled when you are ready to fill them. But what about when you're ready but are otherwise unable to fulfill your previously planned plans??.. I don't know, I guess you do what everyone does.. shrug and just get through today. I started thinking about plans today.. obviously, and how different my life would be if my plans would have remained undisturbed. Where I would live, who I would be, and what being that person would have costed me. Sometimes when things don't go as planned we start to resent our current lives and everything associated with them. I have learned enough in my short years to know that there are certain things that you can never take for granted and that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. But there is always going to be that shadow of doubt isn't there??.. that faint voice in the back of your head questioning whether you should have made a different choice. I rarely second guess myself but when I do it eats me up for ages. I do that whole 'pros' and 'cons' list in my head and think things through logically, emotionally, and every other 'lly' that I can think of. Eventually I over analyze the thing so much that I forget what it was I was arguing with myself about in the first place. But hey, that's me. I am starting to think that nobody really ends up where they had planned to be in the beginning, but that is a part of the journey of life isn't it? I guess I'll find out sooner or later. *cheers*

It's always High School

Today I was watching a movie and was intrigued by a line shouted at the top of her lungs by one of the main characters while in the middle of a heated argument with her husband: "It's always High School!!". The context isn't as relevant as the statement itself in my opinion. Is it always High School?? In certain scenarios its easy to make the comparison; At work for example. There is always the 'super tight' group who hangs out outside work and are always involved in inside jokes and other privileged activities (The Popular Group), the busy workers who keep to themselves, mostly not by choice, but know all the answers (The Geeks), the elderly lady who always tries to help the other co-workers out (Counselor), and of course the owner or president of the company who no one wants to mess up in front of (The Principle). But what about in life outside the office? Do the same parameters apply in our home and social lives as well? Sure in our usual group of friends there are different unassigned roles for everyone (the hyper one, the pessimist, the creative one, etc.) but I hardly associate that to High School. And true, there are people out there who even well into their late twenties act like they're in that state of mind but to me that is a maturity issue. I suppose what the comment got me thinking about was how far the events in 'High School' stretched into our adult life and how long we hold onto these adolescent ways of thinking. I left High School behind the day of graduation.. not that I abided by the whole teen politic thing while I was attending school anyway. But for other people I suppose its hard to break away from the whole thing. In the movie the couple was well into their thirties and were arguing about a hole in their marriage that needed to be filled.. though it's not specified at that point with what. I wonder if real married couples refer to High School in the middle of arguments or if this is some kind of exaggerated movie thing. I would hate to be married to someone who was still acting like an 18 year old idiot when they're 35. I have to admit that when I run into ex peers of mine and they gossip to me like they did when we saw each other at our lockers in between Math and English Class in tenth grade I pity them. I instinctively assume that they've not moved on since then and must therefore have not had a fulfilling past ten years... all within five minutes. Maybe I'm just overly judgmental within those ever so important first five minutes of a conversation. I mean, if you haven't seen someone in ten years then you surely should have tons to catch up on, right? Either way if I haven't seen you in ten years.. I probably didn't mean to. To get back on the subject here I would have to close my thoughts by saying that while 'High School' does not follow us the rest of our lives some of the baggage can cause us to be more cynical, untrusting, and perhaps a little judgmental. But on the other side of the coin some of our past experiences can make us more confident, loyal, and unafraid. It really depends on the type of person you are and what kind of person you want to be.. if you brush the bad stuff off and use the good stuff to your benefit then you're gonna be just fine but if you just hold onto that bad stuff and let it fester inside then you're eventually going to explode all over the place. Granted it's easier to hold on then to brush stuff off but do you really want to be that person on the other end of the conversation who is EXACTLY the same as they were ten years ago?? I don't think so. *cheers*

Nancy Drew to the Rescue

Well last night was a jarring reminder why my family cannot be in the same place for a prolonged period of time. I'm not talking about my immediate family.. we are always together, I'm talking about either side of my parents relatives (Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, Cousins, etc.). Anyhoo yesterday was my brothers birthday and the only thing he wanted to do was to have a BBQ at the house with the family and a couple of is friends (cute huh?). I knew things were headed south at approximately 11:30 a.m. when my father phoned that he was going to pick my grandmother (his mom) up and bring her over already. My mother and I looked at each other puzzled and enraged. Not that my grandmother is a horrible person who is unbearable.. but she just kinda needs attention ALL the time. And, since we had so much to do before the festivities that night we didn't need that extra chore of pretending we were listening to her oh so fascinating stories about the Beauty Salon or the Doctors Visits. But, we bit the bullet and finished cleaning the house with her chit chattering into our ears the whole time. Flash forward a few hours.. Burgers are on the grill, there is a spread on the table, and the cake is set up in the living room. Things appear to be going well and we all enjoy our yummy BBQ.. but this my friends was just the calm before the storm. At about 8.30 p.m. my Aunt, Grandmother (mom side) and Grandmothers Sister (dunno what to call her lol) leave the getty. Ten minutes later the phone rings and a crime is reported, someone has stolen some cash from both my Grandmother and Aunts purses... but who? Upon receiving the information I decided to take on the case head-on, the problem was that no one was feeling especially cooperative.. and by 'no one' I mean the parents. Plan B soon took the lead...After leaking the information to a few choice people I began to observe the body language and 'words' that people were choosing.. I began systematically pointing the finger at different people to see what kind of reaction I got. I had my main suspect within the first fifteen minutes, but darn, no proof. Several solutions were suggested but my parents felt it was an invasion and an insult to make everyone a part of the 'find the thief' assembly line. I myself saw it in a different light.. I thought people would be delighted to prove their innocence to everyone else.. like I would have.. but alas all our ideas were shot down. I decided to divulge my main suspect at this time.. hoping that my reasoning and observances would force their suspect to confess.. but no bite. I did, however, bring several points to the table and got the masses talking. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until the unforeseeable happened.. my other Grandmother (who was literally sitting beside her purse the entire time she was at my house) and my other Aunt (who also didn't leave her purse alone) announced that money was missing from their purses also. Well when I heard this I decided to throw the case away.. this was turning into some kind of 'I need attention so I'll say what the other Grandmother and Aunt said an hour ago' thing.. and I was certainly not going to be a part of it. I washed my hands of the entire ordeal and decided instead to have a nice cup of coffee with my friends in the kitchen and chat about other assorted topics. The only thing I can say about my family is that we should not be together for very long. *cheers*

The Break-Up

We've all been there, that time when you look at the other person and think 'man, I'd rather go get a cleaning then have the same old boring conversation with you again'. Yea, I'm kinda there now but its not a romantic thing.. sadly its with a friend of mine. It's always harder breaking up with a friend then a guy for me, partly because I always hold my friends close and partly because I don't really take guys too seriously yet. Anyway it's just gotten to a point with this person that I am tired of dealing with their lack of consideration toward anyone and everyone around them. For a couple years I played the 'benefit of the doubt' card with this person while everyone else rolled their eyes at me but I reached my official point of no return last weekend. It was just a gigantic mess of an evening from the very beginning to the 'put me out of my misery' end. A gigantic mess, I may add, that would have never happened had I listened to my inner voice and not taken this person up on an invitation, damn me for not following my instincts. Anyway, after that abortion of a night was over I needed time to decompress and I silenced all of the calls I received the next day so I could think about what to do. The thing is, it was one of the more obvious decisions I've had to make in a while, you shouldn't have to 'tolerate' your friends. I have been making excuses for this persons behavior for years now and frankly I think that enough chances have been given for he/she to make amense.. instead I get 'I'm sorry' phone calls every time we hang out together; "I'm sorry's" by the way, that don't mean anything anymore. Anyway, after venting about this with another friend I felt like I had finally had enough of this person and there was no reason for me to continue tip-toeing around the facts anymore. I exchanged a few words with the said person, let him/her know how I was feeling and left things like that.. honestly. It felt more like a business call then anything else.. I could probably record my end of the conversation and put it online to sell to people who want to fire employees, break up with their girlfriends, etc. Afterwards I felt relieved.. Like a load had been lifted from my shoulders. I did feel about .0005% sorry for this person because I feel like I'm the only one who really 'got them' but I'm more important to me then they are. And I didn't deserve allot of the B.S. I had to choke down from this lamer. So here is to not putting up with shit you don't have to!! *cheers*

Greetings Everyone

Hello all you lovely (or not so lovely) people out there you can call me 'V'. Not trying to be cool or anything I just didn't feel like writing out my whole name.. or last name as that's where the 'v' comes from. I live in Miami, as you can tell from 'About Me' and I absolutely love it here. The sun, the beaches (no matter how rarely I may go), the parties and clubs.. there is barely anything I can say that I dislike about this place. But I'm not here to talk about Miami or convince anyone to move here.. I just seem to have allot to say about allot of things and nowhere to put it.. at least not all on my own. So I guess the fair thing to do is to let you all know a little about myself before I go shoving my opinions in your faces so here I go: I'm in my mid-twenties, I am Hispanic (parents are Cuban), I am an on again off again college student, I would love to work as a writer someday, and I am a bit of a neat freak. Whew.. now that the boring stuff is over I'll get started on my very first (real) post.. looking forward to it.